# Program experience
A lot of things happened for me in 3 sessions with Rens. Truly amazing what can happen in such a short amount of time! So... where to start.
All 3 sessions were very different to each other, yet somehow related.
I thought it was feelings of inadequacy that we were working with. Which it was, in the first session. Feelings of inadequacy due to not ‘fitting in’ in societal/ social environmental ‘expectations’ and ideas and the subconsciously picked up belief of my inner child that something was substantially flawed and wrong with her. That’s what we went into in the first session. And she got to e x p e r i e n c e and connect to her inner truth: to not let those voices in. To keep them out. And gently remove my inner child from that situation, take her to a safe place... where she could be free to be herself, and explore, and play.
If you’re familiar with inner child work: this has helped my present me in having less dislike for ‘authorities’ and just feeling way more free and natural to express my truth. Doesn’t matter what ‘seeming authorities’ say. Even though I’m still a little bit mad for bullshit we are told to do.
This connects to the third session we had: where, along with the other sessions, Rens has helped me to find more acceptance for all feelings, emotions and feeling states. Including the anger. And let it be. Let it be on stage, let myself be seen in all emotions. Knowing I am beautiful in all of them, all of them are beautiful, and there is no need to repress anything. This has such a far reaching effect that I cannot fully explain yet. I do find myself being able to show up way more fully, expressing more fully, and, maybe most importantly: accepting myself more fully. Accepting and honoring the anger, it’s power for transformation, and what it has to show me.
It’s so much about taking the power back!!
The second session was also very strong in this. It was such an incredible session I struggle to put it into words. So let me tell you some of the things it did for me: seeing myself and the world through a new lens. Letting go of deep deep (including ancestral) feelings of unworthiness... to be alive. To be taken care of. To be loved. To be, as I am. And understanding that this is one root cause where I have previously learned this mechanism to take on other peoples emotions. To ‘make up for my existence’ out of guilt. And, in that session stepping into and leaning into: this is bullshit! I deserve to live, I deserve my existence. And by being I am already beautiful, a light to the world, a blessing to those around me. I don’t need to save them, fix them, take on their and ancestors pain to be worthy of existing or make up for some perceived sense of guilt for being alive and coming to this world and into this body. I deserve to live. I’m a light. My being is already incredible valuable. So in present life this translates into: a lot of changes! Naturally stepping away from a lot of unaligned choices and decisions that were out of this strange sense of guilt... and stepping more and more into being. And knowing that this is already so valuable. So: allowing myself to be. To be myself. To know I’m bringing value to people by being.
To own this. And opening myself to receive for... being: allowing myself to be supported for... just being. Just being me. This is still an ongoing process but I am so grateful and excited for this!! It’s like a big ticket for liberation. Of me, my natural soul gifts that come without effort (being) and things that i am naturally drawn to embody, express, create.... and allowing myself periods of rest, nourishment and receiving too. Instead of constantly trying to overachieve and do do do in the past.
In the moment: leaning into and processing that I AM truly worthy just by being. Worthy of love, support, nourishment, fun, life. That life gets to be this good.
Letting go of residue conditions that say it isn’t so. That I need to work hard, sacrifice, life is not this way, etc.
